It doesn’t matter.

“He gave me panic attacks and I called it love.” The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it too. Okay, so the clock is ticking, are you becoming the person you want to be? Or are you still waiting for that one person to come to your life and to create magic in it? Does it work that way? Really?  You don’t have to wait for something meaningful to come to your life so that you can finally enjoy what you do. The ‘waiting to start living’ syndrome is one of the most common delusions of the unconscious state.  People are going to lie to you, they are going to use, going to betray you. And many of those invisible daggers in their hands that they will pierce you with are surely gonna make you stop wanting to trust people and at times yourself too. Many questions might just pop out of your head out of nowhere in the middle of the night, “Was I just not good enough?” “Didn’t I ever even deserve an explanation?” “Should I be mad at him?” “Then why am I not?” Several questions running through your head ready to kill you the instant they get a chance to. Bitterness and amok will run through your mind every now and then. But you know it won’t matter. When you are standing at the peak of the highest mountain breathing in the clear morning air, it won’t matter. When your heart is beating to the rhythm of a song that cleared the clouds on a rainy day, it won’t matter. When you are sitting under a sky of infinite stars, it won’t matter. When you are sipping tea admiring the soft glow of the sun besides your better half it won’t matter. I sometimes think it’s inevitable we look at the infinite stars, when you look into eternity you realize how petty issues and people you are surrounded with that you panic about. So it doesn’t matter, all that matters is WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU WANT TO BE.